It’s been a tough few weeks, very busy with work for the upcoming festivals (I have massively underestimated the time it takes to get things finished and my levels of stress have risen dramatically) The house is starting to disappear under a layer of mess, I can’t seem to remember anything for more than 30 seconds and the Introduction to Enterprise business course I have been waiting for for months has finally started. I arrived at the first session excited and keen but after during the session I looked around the room at all the organised people with their business ideas and I panicked! Self doubt reared its ugly head! I can’t do it! I am not good enough! What if people don’t like my things? What if this is all a silly dream and I am not cut out for running my own business? I had let myself down with negative thinking and focusing on problem after problem! Sometimes this cycle is a hard one to break without help! But thankfully help duly arrived in the form of a heat wave….a shimmering golden summer has taken Cornwall in its arms and chased those blues away!
I met myself today, I met myself as a small child reliving long lost summers through my little daughters as they showed me how to play and it was a marvellous thing. I guess this is the connection to my ‘inner child’ I have been so sadly lacking. We ran around in the tiny waves that lapped the shore, and not only did I run around, I ran whilst wearing a bikini…eek (it wasn’t a Baywatch type image of sleek thighs, tight tits and a pert bottom…oh no, it was wobbling and shaking all the way for me) I ran around without feelings self consciousness because I couldn’t have cared less, 30 years had just unravelled and I felt free, we made sandcastles to stand against the incoming tide, we paddled and jumped into rock pools, we dug holes and made walls to catch the stream that meandered its way down the beach, I dug up a crab by accident and nearly leapt 3 feet in the air (not sure whether it was me or the crab that was most surprised!) but the girls were impressed as I (wom)manned up and held it for inspection before letting it hide itself away again. all of these things were the joys of my childhood summers, when day after day was spent barefoot on the beach, my skin would be salty and tanned from exposure to the sea and sun and we played with wild abandon until our parents bade us come in to bed. So many memories flooded back to me. I remembered long lost friends and snippets of images, music and smells, I remembered the magic I created in my mind as I played with seashell gardens in the sand and wrote stories in my special book, stories of mermaids and fairies, pixies and witches and the inevitable monster that lived in the cupboard (though apparently a recent survey found that the majority of monsters don’t choose to live in cupboards as they are too airless and cramped)
Every now and then someone or something comes along just when we need it, to give us a lift (or a great big kick up the bum) and for me this special day with my little girls is just what I needed to get me back on the right track. I will forever remember sitting on the warm damp sand at the ocean’s edge, learning once more the importance of play time!